The past two weeks were crazy busy for me as Tim was in the VA hospital in North Little Rock. We cannot sing the praises of this new doctor enough. He is incredible! They did inpatient physical and occupational therapy with him, but we also got many more things accomplished. They got him many aids that will help him function better. The hope is that if he stops trying to compensate for his lack of ability from his injuries by walking, sitting, and even stepping in and out of the shower with poor form, then it may decrease his pain level. They fitted him for braces for each lower leg/foot, and he can actually roll his feet as he walks with them. That decreases the extent of his limp. They ordered him a cushion that fits him well to use behind his back while sitting, and they got him another one to sit on. They got us a shower bench to help him get in and out of the shower with more ease, and to sit on rather than stand in the shower when he can't. Hopefully this will give him more independence to bathe himself on days that he otherwise couldn't. They got a toilet seat to help him get up and down from the toilet on days when he would otherwise need assistance. They got him a piece of equipment that looks like a giant fish hook with balls on the ends that he can use to work out the knots deep in his muscle tissue so I can rest my hands sometimes. They temporarily loaned him a Body Blade to use for core work. And they taught him exercises and games that he can do to work his core and extremities without overdoing it. They also convinced him to let me work with him on some exercises such as pilates, yoga, and tai chi. They have helped us get started on the beginning processes of getting him into adaptive sports. They got us connected with information on recumbent trikes and hand crank trikes. We hope to get him into Soldier Ride events before long. And they worked with him on memory skills, which brings me to another point. He has finally (5 1/2 years after the crash) been diagnosed with mild to moderate Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). I will never know why they did not evaluate him for TBI in the beginning. It took me pushing for it to get it done. We have known that something wasn't right, but he attributed much of it to his Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and medications. As he switched medications, it remained. As we went through PTSD counseling, many problems got fixed or at least came to light to get worked on, but many remained. His memory is not there. There are daily occurances that show the memory failure. Concentration, focus, and comprehension are not good. These are why he had to quit school. He is unable to plan, control impulses in many situations, handle many social situations, and control certain emotions. This is all consistent with frontal lobe injury to the brain. PTSD just exacerbates the problem. Frustration occurs regularly because of his new lack of ability. He got out of hand with blaming others for EVERYTHING that goes wrong or isn't exactly the way he thinks it should be.
The good news on all of this.... discovering the problem and accepting it is vital to improvement, and that is what is happening. He finally understands that there is a reason that all of this has changed for him. He is gradually getting better on the "blaming others" problem. Although he still initially blames others, if it involves someone he loves he will now follow the blame with "or maybe it's just me." That is HUGE!!!! I cannot tell you how big a deal that is. That little bit alone has decreased my stress level tremendously. He still thinks that strangers are always doing him wrong, but he is learning that family is not out to get him. His family heard horrible things about me for so long that weren't true, and I heard horrible things about them that I have learned are not true. It was just his perception of everything. The other day he made a comment about some people who really mean alot to him. He was saying how much they have changed for the worst in the past 5-6 years. He said that all of them have lost their minds. I can now recognize this as a PTSD symptom, so I gently challenged it. I asked him what also corresponds with that time period that might affect the situation. He said his crash. So I followed by saying, "Are you sure that they have all lost their minds, or do you just perceive things differently now than you used to?" He thought for a minute and then responded, "You know, you're right. I don't think they have changed much at all. I think it's just that a different set of things bother me now than they used to. They always did these things, but I didn't really notice them because they didn't bother me back then." GIGANTIC STEP!!!! I breathed the biggest sigh of relief after that because I knew this was a breakthrough. He was finally seeing that it's not necessarily always everybody else's fault.
We still struggle with his son's mother trying to control everything, but Tim has gotten to where nothing she says or does bothers him. It's amazing what she can do now to try to make him mad, and he laughs and says, "That's hilarious. She really thinks I'm going to believe that." Then he'll respond back to her with a text of "Ok" to let her continue thinking she is one-upping him. He used to get furious over those things, and now he just laughs. In the past, the more she did like that the madder he got. Now the more she does like that, the more embarrassed he is that he ever had any kind of relationship with her because his brain is clear enough to see what she is really doing. A huge thing happened the other day that proved his improvements to me. The reason he and his son's mother divorced was because she found someone else while he was in Iraq. He found out about it two months before coming home, so when he got home he caught her. They divorced. The guy she was seeing was married at the time, and a couple of years later he and his wife divorced. Now the two of them are married and have a new baby together. That was a sore subject for Tim for a long time. Obviously if you are overseas fighting for your country and find out that your support system back home is betraying you, it's not something that you get over quickly. Now, though, he mentions regularly how thankful he is that things happened that way. He's a Christian, and he would not have divorced her for anything other than a biblical reason. She gave him that reason... that out. He didn't realize at the time that it was best for him, but now he is extremely grateful that it happened. The other day while doing laundry we found some Razorback scrub pants in a size large. I asked him where he got them, and he said he had no clue. They have just been in his closet for a long time, and he decided to wear them the other day when he was doing some stuff around the house. I asked if he thought they had been in his closet since his divorce seven years ago. He said yes. I laughed and said, "I have a feeling I know where they came from." He got this lightbulb look on his face and started laughing. He said, "I bet they were Barrett's and he left them at my house while I was in Iraq and he was over there with her. That is hilarious!" For him to laugh at that and see the humor in it rather than getting mad was HUGE! I was SO proud of him! (He's since decided to use them as a grease rag.)
So, for current news... we had a memory lapse last night that was very frustrating to him. We try to work together, though, to limit his frustration. He has gotten to where he tells me just about everything so we are able to remember together. He had called his son, and he got no answer. He left a voicemail message, then he texted her to ask where his son was so he could get ahold of him. (He often stays with his grandma, so Tim thought he might need to call there.) About 20 minutes later he got a "Droid" on his phone notifying him of a new message. When he pulled up the phone he did not see the message icon, so he thought the phone was just acting up. I told him to check to see if she had responded. He said that she wouldn't have anything to respond to because he hadn't texted. I told him he had, and he didn't believe me. When he pulled it up to prove to me that he was right, he saw that he had texted and the "Droid" was notifying him that she had replied. He was flabbergasted. He sat there thinking intently, and no matter how hard he tried he had absolutely no recollection of texting. Luckily that was a small slip of memory, but it was very frustrating to him that he could not even slightly remember it.
Today has been awesome! He woke up feeling great, so he has been doing things around the house all day. He started by cleaning, which was a huge help! It's hard for me to keep the house clean after someone who almost never leaves. It was such a tremendous help to me! Now he's outside trying to fix a piece of the house on the deck that was allowing water into the garage. I'm curious to see if he paces himself well. That is one thing his physical therapist is trying to teach him. His pain level tomorrow and the next day will tell us if he did.
I'm going to get on to my schoolwork to try to get some finished early this week. Thank you for reading!
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Pinterest Interest
Oh Pinterest! It has become our best friend. We have only been on Pinterest for a few short weeks, and we have already made several ideas on there. It is awesome for us because my husband loves to create things. It helps him occupy his mind to keep it off his pain as much, and it gives him a sense of accomplishment. I am a craft fanatic, but I've added to my arsenal of craft genres because I help my husband with his projects. Today he wanted to help me with one of my projects instead of the other way around. Sundays have unofficially become our "create" days. Since he was going to help me, I decided to do something with wood so he would enjoy it more. I went out back and climbed up in the old treehouse that never got completed. He began building it for his son years ago, but he was unable to complete it, which has caused it to sit there and rot. I was a little nervous about standing on rotted wood up in a tree to tear this thing down. When I thought about how far I was off the ground compared to how high my husband was when he took his 800ish feet high tumble, my fear of falling through the boards quickly diminished.
After tearing down one side of the treehouse I began cutting the wood down to size. We put together a sign made of the weather wood. I'll post a picture of it as soon as I get one. It will go in front of our house. Then we cut some wood down to size to make a frame for a rustic-looking coat rack. We may get that one finished tomorrow. We cut some boards to create sconces for our living room. I will try to make it into town tomorrow to find the hardware I will need to finish them.
This evening we drove into town to find some shipping pallets that were being thrown out. We could only find one that we were certain was sat out for trash, so we brought it back. We will cut it down to make a wine rack to hang on the wall. We are learning that pallets are incredible! There is so much that can be done with them.
All in all, crafting brings us closer together, gives us a common goal, and gives him something to occupy his mind in a very positive way. Today was an awesome day!!!
On the baby note, I just have to mention that I noticed tonight that if we conceive this month we will be due on Tim's Alive Day. That would just be awesome! So here's hoping it takes this month! That would be an awesome way for him to start thinking of that date.
After tearing down one side of the treehouse I began cutting the wood down to size. We put together a sign made of the weather wood. I'll post a picture of it as soon as I get one. It will go in front of our house. Then we cut some wood down to size to make a frame for a rustic-looking coat rack. We may get that one finished tomorrow. We cut some boards to create sconces for our living room. I will try to make it into town tomorrow to find the hardware I will need to finish them.
This evening we drove into town to find some shipping pallets that were being thrown out. We could only find one that we were certain was sat out for trash, so we brought it back. We will cut it down to make a wine rack to hang on the wall. We are learning that pallets are incredible! There is so much that can be done with them.
All in all, crafting brings us closer together, gives us a common goal, and gives him something to occupy his mind in a very positive way. Today was an awesome day!!!
On the baby note, I just have to mention that I noticed tonight that if we conceive this month we will be due on Tim's Alive Day. That would just be awesome! So here's hoping it takes this month! That would be an awesome way for him to start thinking of that date.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Updates Galore
I was blessed with the opportunity to return to NYC for the second part of the Wounded Warrior Project's Caregivers Writing Workshop along with the Writer's Guild of America, East. The friendships I have made with some of the other caregivers are priceless. It is so nice to have others who understand your situation and can offer advice and tips on how they handled a similar situation. I will forever support Wounded Warrior Project. It is amazing what they have done to help us and other wounded warriors and their families.
Kiddo Update: I got my results on my tests, and I was informed that my progesterone levels were off the chart. In other words, things look good on my end. We are working on this month, and we will try next month, and then it will be time to turn to more intense testing and possibly IUI if it still has not taken.
We met with a new doctor, and we are SO pleased with him! He is wanting to admit Tim to the hospital for a couple of weeks to do intense occupational therapy as well as some other therapy. Although we don't want him to have to spend two weeks in the hospital, we are looking forward to this opportunity. There is a chance that what he learns can help decrease his daily pain level.
Yesterday was a big day for us. A nurse from the VA came out to do a home visit to evaluate our eligibility for officially classifying me as his caregiver. This has been a process, and the home visit was the part we were most concerned about. It turned out to be great! I cleaned for three and half days, so afraid that something would keep us from getting the grant. I had read a blog entry of a caregiver who scrubbed everything with a toothbrush and went a little OCD on her cleaning, but they didn't even look far beyond her living room. Yet I was still too nervous to not go all out on the cleaning. So I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed. I had beef stew cooking in the crockpot so it would smell good in the house (a different good than my over-abundance of glade plug-ins that I keep around here). I washed the glasses on my wine rack just in case they had any dust on them. I scrubbed everything! I was definitely over-prepared. The lady was very nice, and the whole process went very smoothly. We hope to have an answer shortly after Thanksgiving. One source I read stated that I will be paid back pay to the date of application, and another said to the date that I finished my training, if I get the "job." Since I have technically been working this full-time "job" for over a year now without pay, it will be nice to actually get paid for it. I'm praying right now that it goes through.
Other things I am working on right now are a little exciting. I learned of "Guitars for Vets" when I was in New York this time. Tim has been wanting to learn to play the guitar. This program offers free guitar classes to disabled vets and gives them a guitar. When I mentioned it to him he was very excited. So I am looking into getting him involved in that program. I believe it will be a great outlet for him. Another thing that we are excited about is getting him a hand crank or terra trike. These are modified bicycles for the disabled. He misses regular physical activity, and he has expressed interest on several occasions of biking. He cannot sit in the upright position necessary for bike riding for a long period of time, though. The hand crank or terra trike will allow him to participate in running and biking races with me. We are currently considering doing a half marathon together in March... I will run along next to him on the hand crank or terra trike.
Kiddo Update: I got my results on my tests, and I was informed that my progesterone levels were off the chart. In other words, things look good on my end. We are working on this month, and we will try next month, and then it will be time to turn to more intense testing and possibly IUI if it still has not taken.
We met with a new doctor, and we are SO pleased with him! He is wanting to admit Tim to the hospital for a couple of weeks to do intense occupational therapy as well as some other therapy. Although we don't want him to have to spend two weeks in the hospital, we are looking forward to this opportunity. There is a chance that what he learns can help decrease his daily pain level.
Yesterday was a big day for us. A nurse from the VA came out to do a home visit to evaluate our eligibility for officially classifying me as his caregiver. This has been a process, and the home visit was the part we were most concerned about. It turned out to be great! I cleaned for three and half days, so afraid that something would keep us from getting the grant. I had read a blog entry of a caregiver who scrubbed everything with a toothbrush and went a little OCD on her cleaning, but they didn't even look far beyond her living room. Yet I was still too nervous to not go all out on the cleaning. So I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed. I had beef stew cooking in the crockpot so it would smell good in the house (a different good than my over-abundance of glade plug-ins that I keep around here). I washed the glasses on my wine rack just in case they had any dust on them. I scrubbed everything! I was definitely over-prepared. The lady was very nice, and the whole process went very smoothly. We hope to have an answer shortly after Thanksgiving. One source I read stated that I will be paid back pay to the date of application, and another said to the date that I finished my training, if I get the "job." Since I have technically been working this full-time "job" for over a year now without pay, it will be nice to actually get paid for it. I'm praying right now that it goes through.
Other things I am working on right now are a little exciting. I learned of "Guitars for Vets" when I was in New York this time. Tim has been wanting to learn to play the guitar. This program offers free guitar classes to disabled vets and gives them a guitar. When I mentioned it to him he was very excited. So I am looking into getting him involved in that program. I believe it will be a great outlet for him. Another thing that we are excited about is getting him a hand crank or terra trike. These are modified bicycles for the disabled. He misses regular physical activity, and he has expressed interest on several occasions of biking. He cannot sit in the upright position necessary for bike riding for a long period of time, though. The hand crank or terra trike will allow him to participate in running and biking races with me. We are currently considering doing a half marathon together in March... I will run along next to him on the hand crank or terra trike.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
One of These Days...
WARNING: THIS POST GETS A LITTLE PERSONAL
September brought some unexpected medical issues that I will keep private. They changed everything in our life for weeks. I began this blog as an "out" for me as well as a source of comfort for other wounded warrior wives. It is therapeutic for me to write in here, and it is even more therapeutic for me to read other people's journeys through similar struggles. Although our unexpected medical issues will remain private, I have decided to open up much more about our biggest ongoing struggle... infertility.
A dear friend has a blog titled "One of These Days..." that is a great source of comfort for me. She is currently expecting her first child in March, but it was a 2 1/2 year struggle to get there. I had another dear friend recently open up to me about her infertility struggles she had years ago, and they are struggles she keeps from most people. Hearing what other women are experiencing or have experienced helps me tremendously. This is an extremely emotional struggle, so I want to be very open to help other women.
My husband and I got married in March of 2010. In March 2010, my husband and I began trying to conceive. We expected it may take a little while, so we wanted to begin trying immediately. For a long time I didn't include those first few months in my trying to conceive (TTC) count of time because we were only trying to make sure we hit the right days. I had not yet began temping and charting, taking prenatals, etc. But I had a doctor inform me recently that those months are to be counted in my TTC timeline.
In July 2010 we had a chemical pregnancy. We were so disappointed when the pregnancy failed that we decided to buckle down and get serious about this whole TTC thing. I read book after book after book, began seeking advice from friends, and followed other women with infertility struggles on forums. I bought a thermometer to keep by my bed, and I began temping and charting.
In January 2011, my husband began cutting back on his medicine, fearing that may be a cause of infertility. He researched methods that may help him, and he began taking supplements. He experienced a tremendous amount of more pain than he previously had because he was taking much less medicine to help. But we were so determined to make this dream of having our own children a reality that he figured the extra pain was worth it.
In July 2011, we made appointments to start having everything checked out and possibly get some help. Before making it to the doctor, though, we learned that there was a good chance we were pregnant. My cycle is clockwork, but I was a week and a half late. I am always the last to smell things, and my nose had turned into that of a dog. I got nauseated at the same time every day. My face, shoulders and back broke out, I was emotional every day, I had to pee every 30 minutes, and I could no longer fit in my bras. I had to wear sports bras every day. We were on a family vacation, so I decided to wait until we got back home to test. In early August, before making it back home, we had what seemed to be a miscarriage. We didn't confirm it because we didn't test before or go to a doctor after, but everything I have read since then matches up exactly to miscarriage. Rather than getting me down, the belief that we had a miscarriage gave me hope. I had begun to think that pregnancy wasn't possible for us. The miscarriage made me believe that it was.
The next month, September 2011, I finally got my first prescription for a fertility medicine, Clomid. October 2011, our 20th month of trying to conceive, I began taking the prescription. This is the personal part, but I'm including it for information for anybody who is facing the possiblity of fertility meds.... I had to take the meds on days 5-9 of my cycle, do the baby dance with my husband on days 10-20 (actually I think the doc told me days 10-17, but I deemed it necessary to get a few extra days of every day trying in there :-)), have bloodwork done to check my progesterone levels on day 21, and have an ultrasound on day 28. Today is officially day 29, and I have all indications that Aunt Flo is on her way. I should get a call today or tomorrow letting me know if they will increase my dosage for next month.
Although I expected quite a few side effects with Clomid, I really didn't experience them. The only thing I noticed was from the ultrasound technician yesterday. She told me that I had a cyst on my right ovary, but it appeared to be going away. So I am hoping for an increase in dosage as we start month 21 of TTC.
My husband is really hoping for twins, and fertility drugs increase our chances. I would love twins, but any more than that at once seems like a little much. However, if getting to have our own children meant that we had to have 10 at once, I would do it.
Sorry if I got a little personal for anybody. This blog entry is directed toward anybody struggling with infertility, though, because I know how much it helps to hear details and facts from others.
Other than the infertility issue, everything is going great! Tim's "bad" days have grown more seldom. He only has about 2 or 3 days a week now that he is down for the count. That is much better than the 5 to 6 days that he experienced throughout the spring and summer. We've decreased some of his stressors, so he is in much better spirits. He even went to the hardware store the other day when he woke up feeling great, and he came back with some flowers for me. It was the first time since we got married that he had brought me flowers, but he's not had many outings alone to be able to. It made my entire week!!!
I have to get ready for an appointment. Until next time.... love life!!!
September brought some unexpected medical issues that I will keep private. They changed everything in our life for weeks. I began this blog as an "out" for me as well as a source of comfort for other wounded warrior wives. It is therapeutic for me to write in here, and it is even more therapeutic for me to read other people's journeys through similar struggles. Although our unexpected medical issues will remain private, I have decided to open up much more about our biggest ongoing struggle... infertility.
A dear friend has a blog titled "One of These Days..." that is a great source of comfort for me. She is currently expecting her first child in March, but it was a 2 1/2 year struggle to get there. I had another dear friend recently open up to me about her infertility struggles she had years ago, and they are struggles she keeps from most people. Hearing what other women are experiencing or have experienced helps me tremendously. This is an extremely emotional struggle, so I want to be very open to help other women.
My husband and I got married in March of 2010. In March 2010, my husband and I began trying to conceive. We expected it may take a little while, so we wanted to begin trying immediately. For a long time I didn't include those first few months in my trying to conceive (TTC) count of time because we were only trying to make sure we hit the right days. I had not yet began temping and charting, taking prenatals, etc. But I had a doctor inform me recently that those months are to be counted in my TTC timeline.
In July 2010 we had a chemical pregnancy. We were so disappointed when the pregnancy failed that we decided to buckle down and get serious about this whole TTC thing. I read book after book after book, began seeking advice from friends, and followed other women with infertility struggles on forums. I bought a thermometer to keep by my bed, and I began temping and charting.
In January 2011, my husband began cutting back on his medicine, fearing that may be a cause of infertility. He researched methods that may help him, and he began taking supplements. He experienced a tremendous amount of more pain than he previously had because he was taking much less medicine to help. But we were so determined to make this dream of having our own children a reality that he figured the extra pain was worth it.
In July 2011, we made appointments to start having everything checked out and possibly get some help. Before making it to the doctor, though, we learned that there was a good chance we were pregnant. My cycle is clockwork, but I was a week and a half late. I am always the last to smell things, and my nose had turned into that of a dog. I got nauseated at the same time every day. My face, shoulders and back broke out, I was emotional every day, I had to pee every 30 minutes, and I could no longer fit in my bras. I had to wear sports bras every day. We were on a family vacation, so I decided to wait until we got back home to test. In early August, before making it back home, we had what seemed to be a miscarriage. We didn't confirm it because we didn't test before or go to a doctor after, but everything I have read since then matches up exactly to miscarriage. Rather than getting me down, the belief that we had a miscarriage gave me hope. I had begun to think that pregnancy wasn't possible for us. The miscarriage made me believe that it was.
The next month, September 2011, I finally got my first prescription for a fertility medicine, Clomid. October 2011, our 20th month of trying to conceive, I began taking the prescription. This is the personal part, but I'm including it for information for anybody who is facing the possiblity of fertility meds.... I had to take the meds on days 5-9 of my cycle, do the baby dance with my husband on days 10-20 (actually I think the doc told me days 10-17, but I deemed it necessary to get a few extra days of every day trying in there :-)), have bloodwork done to check my progesterone levels on day 21, and have an ultrasound on day 28. Today is officially day 29, and I have all indications that Aunt Flo is on her way. I should get a call today or tomorrow letting me know if they will increase my dosage for next month.
Although I expected quite a few side effects with Clomid, I really didn't experience them. The only thing I noticed was from the ultrasound technician yesterday. She told me that I had a cyst on my right ovary, but it appeared to be going away. So I am hoping for an increase in dosage as we start month 21 of TTC.
My husband is really hoping for twins, and fertility drugs increase our chances. I would love twins, but any more than that at once seems like a little much. However, if getting to have our own children meant that we had to have 10 at once, I would do it.
Sorry if I got a little personal for anybody. This blog entry is directed toward anybody struggling with infertility, though, because I know how much it helps to hear details and facts from others.
Other than the infertility issue, everything is going great! Tim's "bad" days have grown more seldom. He only has about 2 or 3 days a week now that he is down for the count. That is much better than the 5 to 6 days that he experienced throughout the spring and summer. We've decreased some of his stressors, so he is in much better spirits. He even went to the hardware store the other day when he woke up feeling great, and he came back with some flowers for me. It was the first time since we got married that he had brought me flowers, but he's not had many outings alone to be able to. It made my entire week!!!
I have to get ready for an appointment. Until next time.... love life!!!
Friday, September 9, 2011
A New Focus
The past two days have been awesome! We attended a "Stocks and Options" class that really educated us on investing and trading. We were lucky that both days started as good days... average pain level and able to get around like normal. After sitting all day yesterday, though, and then walking several blocks from the car to the classroom and back several blocks to the car at the end of the day, last night was pretty rough. When we got home he sat down on the couch until it was time to go to bed. It was one of those nights where I had to take him his dinner plate because he could not get up to get it. That happens about 3-5 days a week, so I am extremely willing to do it, never ever mind to do it, and I actually appreciate the opportunity to do something that can help make life a little easier for him. The only thing that I hate about it is that it always makes him feel bad when he has to be waited on hand and foot. I was afraid after last night that he wouldn't be able to make it to the class today. He woke up this morning feeling just like he did yesterday morning, though, so we headed down to Little Rock to finish up the class. He did something today that I cannot ever remember seeing him do. He actually parked in a handicapped parking spot using his handicapped tag. He is so big on saving those spots for older people that he never will park in one himself. If we did not park in it we would have had to walk quite a few blocks. Knowing what it did to him yesterday, he gave in and parked in a parking lot that had several handicapped spots available. I would have been more than happy to drop him off by the door, park a few blocks away, and then walk to meet him, but he is way too proud to let his wife do that for him. He was raised to be a gentleman, and he has a hard time getting past those beliefs that are deep in him. I have learned over time to recognize the moments that he needs to feel like he can still do what he used to, but is compromising a bit. I know that his mental state has a big impact on his physical state, so I always try to recognize those things and keep them in mind. I did not mention a word and let him do what he needed. Since he does not abuse that privelege, I believed it was very justified.
We sat through the class all day today, and we learned a ton more about trading and investing. It was so amazing how excited he got both days about learning. I finally found something that he gets so excited about learning and doing... and it's something he can do from his laptop in bed on days that he cannot do anything else!!! I am SO excited to discover this!!!
After coming home he had to pick up his schoolwork and get back to the information technology stuff that he chose when he started back to school. His attitude about it is so different than it is about the stocks and options trading. I will continue to push him in his schoolwork because I do not want him to give up on something he wanted just because it gets hard. But seeing him get so excited about stocks and options makes me wonder if I should quit pushing him to finish this degree. It was his decision to get into it -- in fact, I did not agree with it in the beginning, but I didn't let him know that -- but I began pushing him once he got into it and it started getting difficult. I have had something in my life that I gave up on when it got hard, and I regret it deeply. I was never the type to give up, but I did in one situation. I don't want him to make the same mistake. But I must also remind myself that school is so much different for him than it is for the average person. His meds alone are enough to make his brain cloudy. But we are pretty certain that he received traumatic brain injury from his crash, (if you haven't been reading the blog: we are currently working on getting several tests done to find out definitively) and that only exacerbates the problem. It's so hard for me to imagine what it must be like for him to try to get another degree with the difficulties he incurs.
He struggled with the stocks and options trading in the same way, but I was learning it along with him. I have learned his language, and I feel like I have a good grasp on how to explain things in a way he understands. When he didn't get something that he would have understood pre-crash, I just explained it to him in a way I believed he would understand. I felt like I could see a lightbulb go off in his head. I don't know if the topic is what excited him so much or the fact that he had me learning it along with him, but I have never seen him so focused on learning something new as I did the past two days.
So.... I'm wide open for suggestions!!! Should I continue to push him through his college degree in information technology with emphasis in web design, or should I find a way to open education opportunities in stocks and options trading to him when I can join in and learn along with him? I know he has to be handled in a way that is different than he would have pre-crash, but I feel like I walk a fine line between insulting his intelligence and supporting his additional new needs.
Any advice is extremely appreciated! Learning how to be the right kind of support to a husband with his injuries is a continual learning process. Whether you have been in a similar situation or not, it is sometimes easier to see the best answer when you're looking in from the outside. So please feel free to offer advice. I'm up for any I can get!
Thank you so much for reading!
We sat through the class all day today, and we learned a ton more about trading and investing. It was so amazing how excited he got both days about learning. I finally found something that he gets so excited about learning and doing... and it's something he can do from his laptop in bed on days that he cannot do anything else!!! I am SO excited to discover this!!!
After coming home he had to pick up his schoolwork and get back to the information technology stuff that he chose when he started back to school. His attitude about it is so different than it is about the stocks and options trading. I will continue to push him in his schoolwork because I do not want him to give up on something he wanted just because it gets hard. But seeing him get so excited about stocks and options makes me wonder if I should quit pushing him to finish this degree. It was his decision to get into it -- in fact, I did not agree with it in the beginning, but I didn't let him know that -- but I began pushing him once he got into it and it started getting difficult. I have had something in my life that I gave up on when it got hard, and I regret it deeply. I was never the type to give up, but I did in one situation. I don't want him to make the same mistake. But I must also remind myself that school is so much different for him than it is for the average person. His meds alone are enough to make his brain cloudy. But we are pretty certain that he received traumatic brain injury from his crash, (if you haven't been reading the blog: we are currently working on getting several tests done to find out definitively) and that only exacerbates the problem. It's so hard for me to imagine what it must be like for him to try to get another degree with the difficulties he incurs.
He struggled with the stocks and options trading in the same way, but I was learning it along with him. I have learned his language, and I feel like I have a good grasp on how to explain things in a way he understands. When he didn't get something that he would have understood pre-crash, I just explained it to him in a way I believed he would understand. I felt like I could see a lightbulb go off in his head. I don't know if the topic is what excited him so much or the fact that he had me learning it along with him, but I have never seen him so focused on learning something new as I did the past two days.
So.... I'm wide open for suggestions!!! Should I continue to push him through his college degree in information technology with emphasis in web design, or should I find a way to open education opportunities in stocks and options trading to him when I can join in and learn along with him? I know he has to be handled in a way that is different than he would have pre-crash, but I feel like I walk a fine line between insulting his intelligence and supporting his additional new needs.
Any advice is extremely appreciated! Learning how to be the right kind of support to a husband with his injuries is a continual learning process. Whether you have been in a similar situation or not, it is sometimes easier to see the best answer when you're looking in from the outside. So please feel free to offer advice. I'm up for any I can get!
Thank you so much for reading!
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
The Most Incredible Words!
When we first awoke this morning it looked like it would be a bad day. Tim was in a great deal of pain, and he struggled to move in bed. I had planned to take advantage of the beautiful weather by going for a morning run, but I couldn't bare to leave him. I laid there with him for about an hour and a half, rubbing him and attempting to relax him the whole time. At 8am I decided to get up and fix some coffee. While I was getting the coffee ready he made his way into the living room and sat on the couch. I was surprised to see him make it in there by himself.
He turned on the morning news shows, and he put his computer on his lap to check the latest headlines. After about two hours he got up, went into the bedroom and bathroom for a few minutes, and came back into the living room completely dressed with his shoes on. I was completely shocked. Normally when a day starts that way, he is down for the majority of it. I asked him how he was feeling, and we had a talk about his pain and a few other things. Then, when we got into talking about some personal issues, he said the most incredible, meaningful thing he has ever said to me.
He told me that my faith in God and the way I live my life for God has inspired him. He said that I have taught him to lay his troubles on God and let Him take care of them all. He said that things do not bother him like they formerly did because he knows now that God is in control. And then he thanked me for being that example and inspiration for him.
To hear something like that from a stranger or a friend would be awesome, but to hear it from the man that I love more than life itself... now THAT was incredible! I don't think he could have said anything else that could have made me feel better than that did.
The rest of the day has been good! He's gotten up and tinkered with a few things, then he's sat back down to rest for awhile. But he's been able to be active off and on all afternoon. He's now working on his schoolwork, and I have been able to work on my articles. I'm off to cook supper, but I wanted to be sure and get my blog post done before I get the red-eyes from staring at the computer screen. :-) Thank you for reading, and have a great night!
He turned on the morning news shows, and he put his computer on his lap to check the latest headlines. After about two hours he got up, went into the bedroom and bathroom for a few minutes, and came back into the living room completely dressed with his shoes on. I was completely shocked. Normally when a day starts that way, he is down for the majority of it. I asked him how he was feeling, and we had a talk about his pain and a few other things. Then, when we got into talking about some personal issues, he said the most incredible, meaningful thing he has ever said to me.
He told me that my faith in God and the way I live my life for God has inspired him. He said that I have taught him to lay his troubles on God and let Him take care of them all. He said that things do not bother him like they formerly did because he knows now that God is in control. And then he thanked me for being that example and inspiration for him.
To hear something like that from a stranger or a friend would be awesome, but to hear it from the man that I love more than life itself... now THAT was incredible! I don't think he could have said anything else that could have made me feel better than that did.
The rest of the day has been good! He's gotten up and tinkered with a few things, then he's sat back down to rest for awhile. But he's been able to be active off and on all afternoon. He's now working on his schoolwork, and I have been able to work on my articles. I'm off to cook supper, but I wanted to be sure and get my blog post done before I get the red-eyes from staring at the computer screen. :-) Thank you for reading, and have a great night!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Thankful for the VA
We get frustrated sometimes dealing with the VA. I don't know of anybody who has been through this and not felt the same way from time to time. But all in all, we are so thankful for the VA. There is so much help out there. You may have to search and search for it, but it is there. Talking to other wives who have been through it can help tremendously, but you are still going to have to do a great deal of work yourself. Since I began digging a few months ago, though, we have gotten so much help for Tim... and we have more still to do. We are working hard on meeting many deadlines lately, so I have not been on here, facebook, e-mail or anything else very regularly. I wanted to give an update, though.
We began a PTSD group. Today was our third week in the group, and it is amazing how much it helps. While we sit in there, everything hits home to us. Today gave me an extra good feeling, though. We were discussing holistic approaches to care. He gave us a number of categories of methods to use to improve symptoms. There was at least one method from just about every category that I have already begun implementing into Tim's life. It made me feel so good because I felt like all the hard work I'm doing is worthwhile. I feel like I am on the right track.
We are trying to get a TBI evaluation done soon, as well as a Neuro Psych Eval. We are also looking into a SPECT scan. However, VA does not do SPECT and insurance will not pay for it, so I am currently trying to find a way to get the procedure funded. All of these tests are for traumatic brain injury, and I will go into greater detail on each as we have them done. The SPECT is the ideal one, as it can determine exactly where the damage is located and set up a proper treatment plan.
We are also dealing with further claims on his VA rating. Several of his biggest problems were not even included in his evaluation. We are working to get all of the documentation in order, as well as getting copies from his original doctors that we do not have in our files, so we can complete the claims.
I discovered that he did not receive TSGLI as he should have, so we are working toward getting that information together.
Through all of this, we are also trying to get his meds switched. The old pain management doctor, or cookie doctor as I called him, had Tim on a combination of meds that the VA says should never be prescribed together. We had to go through tests to make sure that the ill combination did not cause any heart or other problems. Getting back into the VA system is taking some time to get straightened out, but it's all coming together. It just takes persistence.
As for our baby update... We are currently on our 14th month of actively trying... 19th month total. Our first five months were just trying to hit the right days and hoping it would happen. The last 13 have been very focused, tracking, and trying multiple methods. We have finally decided it is time for some outside help. Monday we will go to the doctor to discuss fertility options. This is just an obgyn appointment, and we will get advice on a fertility specialist. The good news is, I found out today that testing and less invasive treatments will be covered by our insurance! This means that we can immediately begin getting help. We are so excited! This gives me a whole new feeling about the entire situation.
I vow to keep this updated more frequently. It is an awesome out for me... a way to release what I'm thinking through everything. Simply for my own sake, I want to be sure to keep it going. My dog is now demanding my attention, though, so I better do a little cuddling with him. Thank you for reading!
We began a PTSD group. Today was our third week in the group, and it is amazing how much it helps. While we sit in there, everything hits home to us. Today gave me an extra good feeling, though. We were discussing holistic approaches to care. He gave us a number of categories of methods to use to improve symptoms. There was at least one method from just about every category that I have already begun implementing into Tim's life. It made me feel so good because I felt like all the hard work I'm doing is worthwhile. I feel like I am on the right track.
We are trying to get a TBI evaluation done soon, as well as a Neuro Psych Eval. We are also looking into a SPECT scan. However, VA does not do SPECT and insurance will not pay for it, so I am currently trying to find a way to get the procedure funded. All of these tests are for traumatic brain injury, and I will go into greater detail on each as we have them done. The SPECT is the ideal one, as it can determine exactly where the damage is located and set up a proper treatment plan.
We are also dealing with further claims on his VA rating. Several of his biggest problems were not even included in his evaluation. We are working to get all of the documentation in order, as well as getting copies from his original doctors that we do not have in our files, so we can complete the claims.
I discovered that he did not receive TSGLI as he should have, so we are working toward getting that information together.
Through all of this, we are also trying to get his meds switched. The old pain management doctor, or cookie doctor as I called him, had Tim on a combination of meds that the VA says should never be prescribed together. We had to go through tests to make sure that the ill combination did not cause any heart or other problems. Getting back into the VA system is taking some time to get straightened out, but it's all coming together. It just takes persistence.
As for our baby update... We are currently on our 14th month of actively trying... 19th month total. Our first five months were just trying to hit the right days and hoping it would happen. The last 13 have been very focused, tracking, and trying multiple methods. We have finally decided it is time for some outside help. Monday we will go to the doctor to discuss fertility options. This is just an obgyn appointment, and we will get advice on a fertility specialist. The good news is, I found out today that testing and less invasive treatments will be covered by our insurance! This means that we can immediately begin getting help. We are so excited! This gives me a whole new feeling about the entire situation.
I vow to keep this updated more frequently. It is an awesome out for me... a way to release what I'm thinking through everything. Simply for my own sake, I want to be sure to keep it going. My dog is now demanding my attention, though, so I better do a little cuddling with him. Thank you for reading!
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