This morning a person who I was friends with years ago showed up in my "People You May Know" on facebook. This is a person who did me wrong in a way that still haunts me every day. A few years ago I had a talk with this person. They apologized to me for everything, and I told them that I had forgiven them long ago. My exact words were "the past is the past." And I thought I had. I knew I hadn't forgotten, and I never will. But I believed that I had forgiven them in my heart. I wanted them to have a good life, but there was still something inside me that wasn't right.
Today was different. When I clicked on their page on facebook I saw a picture of them with their family. As I read the comments I realized how happy they seemed to be. It actually warmed my heart. I felt so happy to know that this person is truly happy and living a good life. I tried to figure out what had changed to make me so truly glad to see them having a good life. Then I realized something about true forgiveness that I had never thought about before now. I am truly happy within myself. I could "forgive" them, but it wasn't complete. There were still some ill feelings toward them that I couldn't control. But finding true happiness for myself has allowed me to truly be happy for them.
It made me think about life in general. I've always been taught that the number one rule in emergency work is that you must take care of yourself so you can take care of others. For example, if a rescue worker races onto a dangerous scene without regard for himself because he is so determined to help the victims, then he steps on a downed powerline that's hot and gets electricuted, he is causing more harm than good. It then takes more rescuers to save him AND the other victims. Likewise, we must take care of ourselves so we can be the best we can be for others. Finding true happiness within your own life will allow you to be truly supportive and loving to others.
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