Broken Heart

It's amazing how much more it can hurt to watch someone you love deal with pain than it is to deal with it yourself. My heart is so broken. We are getting an early spring, and I have always absolutely loved this time of year. When you have a husband who experiences extreme pain almost continually as the fronts of spring weather come through, though, it is not such a wonderful time of year. With this early spring means early increased pain. Today was beautiful. It was windy, but the temperatures were in the low to mid 70's. We had planned to get out and work in the yard to enjoy the day. Yesterday we attempted it, but after about 30 minutes he could do no more. We were both so excited about today. He made it to the couch after crawling out of bed. Within about an hour he was back in the bed for a good portion of the day. Regardless of whether he was laying, sitting, or standing, he could not decrease the amount of constant pain he felt. He tried sitting on his hip and leaning over so he would have no weight on his tailbone or rear end, but his hips bothered him too bad. The nonstop intense pain led to frustration and embarrassment. He felt bad for me to see him like this. He knows I am used to it, but it still bothers him every time. He tries to hide so much of it from everybody... even me. Hiding it from someone who is around you 24 hours a day, though, is nearly impossible. The longer it persisted, the more frustrated and angry he got. It absolutely breaks my heart to have to see him go through it and know there is nothing I can do to help. I stretched him, massaged him, waited on him hand and foot, prayed for him, and did everything I knew to do to encourage him, relax him, and make him feel better mentally and emotionally. But that's all I can do. Other than that I just have to sit there and see him go through it. By the end of the day, I'm left with an exhausted husband from his muscles contracting to the pain all day and a broken heart from having to see him go through it.