A New Focus

The past two days have been awesome! We attended a "Stocks and Options" class that really educated us on investing and trading. We were lucky that both days started as good days... average pain level and able to get around like normal. After sitting all day yesterday, though, and then walking several blocks from the car to the classroom and back several blocks to the car at the end of the day, last night was pretty rough. When we got home he sat down on the couch until it was time to go to bed. It was one of those nights where I had to take him his dinner plate because he could not get up to get it. That happens about 3-5 days a week, so I am extremely willing to do it, never ever mind to do it, and I actually appreciate the opportunity to do something that can help make life a little easier for him. The only thing that I hate about it is that it always makes him feel bad when he has to be waited on hand and foot. I was afraid after last night that he wouldn't be able to make it to the class today. He woke up this morning feeling just like he did yesterday morning, though, so we headed down to Little Rock to finish up the class. He did something today that I cannot ever remember seeing him do. He actually parked in a handicapped parking spot using his handicapped tag. He is so big on saving those spots for older people that he never will park in one himself. If we did not park in it we would have had to walk quite a few blocks. Knowing what it did to him yesterday, he gave in and parked in a parking lot that had several handicapped spots available. I would have been more than happy to drop him off by the door, park a few blocks away, and then walk to meet him, but he is way too proud to let his wife do that for him. He was raised to be a gentleman, and he has a hard time getting past those beliefs that are deep in him. I have learned over time to recognize the moments that he needs to feel like he can still do what he used to, but is compromising a bit. I know that his mental state has a big impact on his physical state, so I always try to recognize those things and keep them in mind. I did not mention a word and let him do what he needed. Since he does not abuse that privelege, I believed it was very justified.

We sat through the class all day today, and we learned a ton more about trading and investing. It was so amazing how excited he got both days about learning. I finally found something that he gets so excited about learning and doing... and it's something he can do from his laptop in bed on days that he cannot do anything else!!! I am SO excited to discover this!!!

After coming home he had to pick up his schoolwork and get back to the information technology stuff that he chose when he started back to school. His attitude about it is so different than it is about the stocks and options trading. I will continue to push him in his schoolwork because I do not want him to give up on something he wanted just because it gets hard. But seeing him get so excited about stocks and options makes me wonder if I should quit pushing him to finish this degree. It was his decision to get into it -- in fact, I did not agree with it in the beginning, but I didn't let him know that -- but I began pushing him once he got into it and it started getting difficult. I have had something in my life that I gave up on when it got hard, and I regret it deeply. I was never the type to give up, but I did in one situation. I don't want him to make the same mistake. But I must also remind myself that school is so much different for him than it is for the average person. His meds alone are enough to make his brain cloudy. But we are pretty certain that he received traumatic brain injury from his crash, (if you haven't been reading the blog: we are currently working on getting several tests done to find out definitively) and that only exacerbates the problem. It's so hard for me to imagine what it must be like for him to try to get another degree with the difficulties he incurs.

He struggled with the stocks and options trading in the same way, but I was learning it along with him. I have learned his language, and I feel like I have a good grasp on how to explain things in a way he understands. When he didn't get something that he would have understood pre-crash, I just explained it to him in a way I believed he would understand. I felt like I could see a lightbulb go off in his head. I don't know if the topic is what excited him so much or the fact that he had me learning it along with him, but I have never seen him so focused on learning something new as I did the past two days.

So.... I'm wide open for suggestions!!! Should I continue to push him through his college degree in information technology with emphasis in web design, or should I find a way to open education opportunities in stocks and options trading to him when I can join in and learn along with him? I know he has to be handled in a way that is different than he would have pre-crash, but I feel like I walk a fine line between insulting his intelligence and supporting his additional new needs.

Any advice is extremely appreciated! Learning how to be the right kind of support to a husband with his injuries is a continual learning process. Whether you have been in a similar situation or not, it is sometimes easier to see the best answer when you're looking in from the outside. So please feel free to offer advice. I'm up for any I can get!

Thank you so much for reading!