One of These Days...

WARNING: THIS POST GETS A LITTLE PERSONAL

September brought some unexpected medical issues that I will keep private. They changed everything in our life for weeks. I began this blog as an "out" for me as well as a source of comfort for other wounded warrior wives. It is therapeutic for me to write in here, and it is even more therapeutic for me to read other people's journeys through similar struggles. Although our unexpected medical issues will remain private, I have decided to open up much more about our biggest ongoing struggle... infertility.

A dear friend has a blog titled "One of These Days..." that is a great source of comfort for me. She is currently expecting her first child in March, but it was a 2 1/2 year struggle to get there. I had another dear friend recently open up to me about her infertility struggles she had years ago, and they are struggles she keeps from most people. Hearing what other women are experiencing or have experienced helps me tremendously. This is an extremely emotional struggle, so I want to be very open to help other women.

My husband and I got married in March of 2010. In March 2010, my husband and I began trying to conceive. We expected it may take a little while, so we wanted to begin trying immediately. For a long time I didn't include those first few months in my trying to conceive (TTC) count of time because we were only trying to make sure we hit the right days. I had not yet began temping and charting, taking prenatals, etc. But I had a doctor inform me recently that those months are to be counted in my TTC timeline.

In July 2010 we had a chemical pregnancy. We were so disappointed when the pregnancy failed that we decided to buckle down and get serious about this whole TTC thing. I read book after book after book, began seeking advice from friends, and followed other women with infertility struggles on forums. I bought a thermometer to keep by my bed, and I began temping and charting.

In January 2011, my husband began cutting back on his medicine, fearing that may be a cause of infertility. He researched methods that may help him, and he began taking supplements. He experienced a tremendous amount of more pain than he previously had because he was taking much less medicine to help. But we were so determined to make this dream of having our own children a reality that he figured the extra pain was worth it.

In July 2011, we made appointments to start having everything checked out and possibly get some help. Before making it to the doctor, though, we learned that there was a good chance we were pregnant. My cycle is clockwork, but I was a week and a half late. I am always the last to smell things, and my nose had turned into that of a dog. I got nauseated at the same time every day. My face, shoulders and back broke out, I was emotional every day, I had to pee every 30 minutes, and I could no longer fit in my bras. I had to wear sports bras every day. We were on a family vacation, so I decided to wait until we got back home to test. In early August, before making it back home, we had what seemed to be a miscarriage. We didn't confirm it because we didn't test before or go to a doctor after, but everything I have read since then matches up exactly to miscarriage. Rather than getting me down, the belief that we had a miscarriage gave me hope. I had begun to think that pregnancy wasn't possible for us. The miscarriage made me believe that it was.

The next month, September 2011, I finally got my first prescription for a fertility medicine, Clomid. October 2011, our 20th month of trying to conceive, I began taking the prescription. This is the personal part, but I'm including it for information for anybody who is facing the possiblity of fertility meds.... I had to take the meds on days 5-9 of my cycle, do the baby dance with my husband on days 10-20 (actually I think the doc told me days 10-17, but I deemed it necessary to get a few extra days of every day trying in there :-)), have bloodwork done to check my progesterone levels on day 21, and have an ultrasound on day 28. Today is officially day 29, and I have all indications that Aunt Flo is on her way. I should get a call today or tomorrow letting me know if they will increase my dosage for next month.

Although I expected quite a few side effects with Clomid, I really didn't experience them. The only thing I noticed was from the ultrasound technician yesterday. She told me that I had a cyst on my right ovary, but it appeared to be going away. So I am hoping for an increase in dosage as we start month 21 of TTC.

My husband is really hoping for twins, and fertility drugs increase our chances. I would love twins, but any more than that at once seems like a little much. However, if getting to have our own children meant that we had to have 10 at once, I would do it.

Sorry if I got a little personal for anybody. This blog entry is directed toward anybody struggling with infertility, though, because I know how much it helps to hear details and facts from others.

Other than the infertility issue, everything is going great! Tim's "bad" days have grown more seldom. He only has about 2 or 3 days a week now that he is down for the count. That is much better than the 5 to 6 days that he experienced throughout the spring and summer. We've decreased some of his stressors, so he is in much better spirits. He even went to the hardware store the other day when he woke up feeling great, and he came back with some flowers for me. It was the first time since we got married that he had brought me flowers, but he's not had many outings alone to be able to. It made my entire week!!!

I have to get ready for an appointment. Until next time.... love life!!!